


to seek (and to never understand)

by avadescent



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Canon Compliant, Gen, I don't regret this and neither does Armin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-19
Updated: 2020-09-19
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:00:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,465
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26544094
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/avadescent/pseuds/avadescent
Summary: “Sorry, sir, I wasn’t clear enough!” This garners Levi’s attention, though his hand on the teapot doesn’t falter. “I already know why you chose me that day.”Or: For Armin Arlert, there is room for inquiry beyond the choices made on the battlefield of Shiganshina.
Relationships: Armin Arlert & Levi
Kudos: 46





	to seek (and to never understand)

**Author's Note:**

> I watched AOT. Now I am here.

“Why did you do it?”

The rim of the teacup is still pressed between his mouth when Armin asks, and as the question settles in the air Levi feels he must give this young recruit credit for his ability to deduce the appropriate timing for things—even things as simple as a single choice. 

In any case, it is a question that’s been asked far too many times now, and Levi is quite content to leave it unanswered as the tea continues to swirl hotly within its container. Still, trained eyes survey Armin’s form to notice that he looks strangely resolute this time, as though he isn’t looking for justification. His hands are folded together on the table, the line of his shoulders pulled back, the crease of his brow bereaved of any hostility. He is an open, curious soldier, despite the intelligence behind the weariness of his eyes, and Levi is forced to notice that if Armin isn’t looking for justification, then why ask him such a question in the first place?

“Captain,” Armin calls, because Levi is no longer drinking his tea. “I was just… curious.”

Levi scoffs, because he  _ knows.  _ It’s painfully obvious. 

“If you’re telling me I wasted that serum on someone suicidal then you can shut up,” is his pithy response, and then he’s pouring himself another cup. Armin frowns, looking almost disappointed, but he sits up straight as though in salute regardless. Levi would raise a brow if he could.

“Sorry, sir, I wasn’t clear enough!”  _ This  _ garners Levi’s attention, though his hand on the teapot doesn’t falter, and in seconds the cup is full again. “I already know why you chose me that day.” Armin lowers his head in humility, his bangs falling over his eyes, dull now with the consequence of curiosity. “But that choice was influenced by your decision to let the Commander die in Shiganshina more so than your preference for me. So I’m not asking about that.”

He pauses for a long moment, his knuckles as white as the sunlight that bounces off his hair. His face is shadowed further by the contrast, and Levi finds himself more willing to be patient in the face of this darkness. 

“There’s enough left for one cup,” Levi says detachedly, tapping on the lid of the teapot. His gaze is unwavering as always, much unlike the shifting storms they reflect. 

“Yes!” Armin hurries to say, because he knows that the captain will take his leave as soon as all the cups are empty. This is a rare chance, after all, and there is no guarantee that he will get it again. His sense of time has never failed him before, and it will continue as such, of that Armin is certain. “I just meant—why me? For your squad? I understand the others, they all graduated as the top ten of our batch. But I’m not—”

He falters on the word  _ special,  _ because he also knows better than anyone else that the word holds no meaning for the man sitting across him, hence the entirety of his spiel will become pointless. 

The question is, however, received accordingly, and Armin holds his breath in terrified anticipation when Levi sets his cup down half-full. Just a moment ago, he received no answer until it was empty. He raises his head in preparation for the coming blow.

“‘I will continue to advocate his strategic value,’” Levi says, and Armin isn’t sure if he looks pensive or displeased. 

“Huh?” he stutters out, confused.

“That’s what Trost’s report on you contained, verbatim,” Levi clarifies, leaning back, and it is then that Armin decides on pensive. “You should know how to gauge your own strategic value as well, then, because I don’t exist to do it for you. As for the selection process, based on how a soldier reacts on the battlefield, I decide whether they are a choice I won’t regret.”

Silence prevails for a long time after that, and as Armin struggles to make sense of Levi’s answer, the last of the tea is poured. 

“You said the same thing that day,” Armin finally says. He looks unsatisfied, though there is no doubt his curiosity has been fulfilled. “You said you wouldn’t regret choosing me, and that I shouldn’t either. You’re always talking about that… you’re always saying that we have to choose the option we’ll least regret, and I wonder sometimes if you say it so you can convince yourself too.”

Armin’s eyes widen when he realizes his mistake. “Sorry, sir!” He scrambles from his chair to thus prostrate himself. “I spoke out of line, I didn’t mean—!”

He squeezes his eyes shut when Levi stands. He tenses further when Levi takes a step, one foot raised in the air. “I’m sorry!” he splutters, trembling greatly. “I won’t pry like that again…!”

“Stand up, you brat,” Levi mutters. “The only face here worth kicking is Eren’s.”

“Wh—” A hiccup steals the remaining syllable, and Armin looks up, his fingers curling into his palm. Regardless of the environment they’re in, and regardless of whether he’s in uniform or not, Captain Levi continues to maintain a dangerous aura about him that distinctly spells impending doom, and no matter how many times Levi has proven himself an ally, no matter how many times Armin catches him tucking a weary smile behind a gelid demeanor, the fear he instills in others will always prove itself an indisputable fact.

“I won’t lie and tell you that I’ve never done anything I regretted,” Levi says, and Armin nearly scrambles back when he kneels to look at him straight. “But all a man needs is to be taught a lesson instead of being given a talking-to, and I’m sure that you’ve learned yours, or else you won’t be sitting there looking like you’ll piss yourself.”

The comment nearly makes Armin laugh, for some strange, inexplicable reason. Perhaps he’s gotten used to Levi’s personality. Perhaps he finds hilarity in the truth.

“Right, sir,” he manages. 

Levi grunts, glaringly unimpressed. “You now carry a burden that other soldiers don’t. I know you have the strength to carry it. And so you’ll  _ learn  _ that,” he scowls there, his index finger lowering to sweep the floor, “You’re on cleaning duty. By yourself. For the rest of the month. Your comrades don’t know a thing about keeping things clean.”

“Yes, sir!”

“Tch.” The scowl deepens when Levi has to brush off a layer of dust from his pants, and then he’s glowering in full force again, downing the rest of his tea. “Whether you believe it or not, you were chosen for this squad. So act like it. Top ten doesn’t mean a damn thing.”

“Yes, sir!” Armin is standing now, still a few inches shorter, though he’s erect with a distinct pride that Levi has only ever seen in his stature. His eyes shine with the vastness of the sea, eternally youthful in its perspective of the world, and Levi knows how to see things for what they’re worth. “Permission to speak freely, sir.”

“Granted,” he answers, with a wave of his hand. He turns toward the door and pauses when Armin speaks again.

“To serve under your command is a choice that has never posed room for regret!” Armin smiles then, a wobbly smile that’s still stained with fear, though admiration now curves alongside it. “I can keep an eye on Eren and Mikasa after all, and I can help humanity in ways I never thought I could. Thank you for choosing me.” His body curves into a bow. “I am in your care.”

Levi stares at the boy for a moment, eyes slightly wide with surprise. His countenance simmers into one of disdain before Armin can look up again, and then he’s turning fully, his appearance an embodiment of the uncle who’d left him on his own when he least expected it.

“You are in no one’s care,” Levi snaps. “I’m not meant to take care of any of you.”

“I wasn’t clear enough again, sir,” Armin answers, and Levi is surprised once more to see the grin on the boy’s face when he looks back. “You must have learned how to choose what you’ll least regret through hard experience. I trust I can learn that from you in the battles to come.”

The grin is followed by a perfect salute, his hand over his heart and determination in his voice when he declares, “To be a soldier in your squad… is a choice I won’t regret, sir!”

And Levi recalls then that this is the boy who, by choice, was set to become Erwin’s successor. His brows crease at the reminder, in pensiveness and displeasure both, and then he walks away with a quarter of his cup undrunk.


End file.
